Making your Home a Haven

My oldest is rapidly closing in on the teen years, and creating a haven for him, (as well as for his friends) is important to my husband and I. Lynn Cowell posted an article Monday I thought was incredibly good.
I thought you might like to read it too! I have posted part of it below for your reading ease, however I strongly recommend you head to her blog & check her out. Plus get a chance to win the book, You can Raise Courageous & Confident Kids by Mary DeMuth.

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It’s our job to create a home they are wildly enthusiastic about. A haven. A place to let down and be themselves. Here are ten ways you can create a haven in your home.

1.Let kindness reign.

Determine to treat your children and spouse with the same sweetness you'd give a stranger you're trying to impress. Remember it's God's kindness that leads us to repentance. What makes us think anything different would evoke our children's repentance?

2.Welcome hard questions.

It's okay to question. You did it, didn't you? Give your children the same leeway. Let them vent. Let them worry. Welcome their wrestling. Don't give pat answers; instead, let them work through their questions. Love them through a period of questioning.

3.Be there.

Give your children the rare gift of your focused attention. Look into their eyes. Ask great questions. Relax alongside them. Dr. Ross Campbell says, "In short, focused attention makes a child feel he is the most important person in the world in his parents' eyes."

4.Limit media.

Steer your children away from mindless interaction with the TV or video games. Set limits and stick to them. Dare to believe your children are creative, innovative kids who can create instead of idly recreate.

5.Go outside.

We've lost the importance of outdoor play. Even if it means walking to the park with your kids, or swimming alongside them, or taking a nature hike, dare to move beyond the four walls of your home to venture out to see God's creation.

6.Weep and rejoice at the right times.

We are to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15). When a child has a difficult day, scoop her into your arms and cry alongside. When she makes a great grade, jump up and down and celebrate with ice cream.

7.Cherish childhood.

Our kids grow up so fast in this crazy culture. Keep them kids as long as you can. Let them play, run, stretch, linger. Limit activities when they're younger so they don't become little stressed-out adults at age ten.

8.Read together.

The most haven-producing thing I do as a mommy is simply to read to my kids. I still read to my fourteen year old! Discover books on CD as a family, lessening the tedium of car rides without popping in a DVD. My kids have stayed in the car to listen to a story finish.

9.Laugh hard, but not at another's expense.

Joking and laughter are blessings you can add to create a fun-loving haven, but be cautious not to laugh at your kids' expense or allow them to laugh at yours or others' expense. Watch funny, clean movies together. Tell jokes. Tell funny family stories over and over until they become ridiculous. A lighthearted family that doesn't take itself too seriously is a haven-home.

10.Practice God's presence in the mundane.

Require chores of your kids. It teaches them important life skills. Even so, introduce joy as you work. Turn on the radio, dance, laugh. By learning to practice the presence of God during the chores of life, you create a productive, gratitude-based home.

Scripture & a Snapshot

Following 'The Truth' doesn't happen once a child reaches maturity.
It doesn't happen all at once.
Following 'The Truth' begins at day one.
From the first day forward, parents start to plant seeds, water them & slowly they begin to see those seeds grow.
At first growth is small, like learning to fold tiny hands to pray. But gradually over time, growth extends to playing with the child who is different, respecting elders, & personal devotions.

Don't lose sight of the end, but take time to rejoice in each step your little one takes to get there.

Summer Ideas to keep your kiddo's busy

• Make a weekly or biweekly trip to the Library. Many have summer reading programs you can sign up for.
• Stay up late to Star Gaze.
  
• Pack a picnic and head to a park, lake, timber... spend the morning hiking, playing, fishing... then have lunch. Invite another family to join you!
• Take a Night Hike to observe the creatures of the night.
  
• Camp! Pitch a tent in your own backyard or at a local campground. We've even pitched the tent in the living room before :) Make Hobo's over the fire, roast marshmallows, cook breakfast.
  
• See if the area conservation center has offers summer day camps.
• Are you headed on vacation? Print Free Road Trip Activity pages to take with you.
• Go swimming in a lake with a beach. Pack plenty of beach toys!
• Make a kite. Then have a kite flying contest.
• Try to fry an egg on a hot side walk. We did this as kids ;)
• Relax on a steamy hot day with a bowl of popcorn and a movie.
  
• Paint rocks.
• Host a neighborhood bike wash. Complete with buckets of bubbles & rags. Serve Popsicles with the bikes have been washed.
  
• Host a backyard scavenger hunt. Hide little treasures for the kids to find.
• Bake, then deliver some goodies to a neighbor.
  
• Recycle broken crayons.
• Pick flowers from your yard, display them on your dinner table. Use the good dishes for dinner that night.
  
• Make your own bubbles.
• Volunteer at an Nursing Home. Elderly people LOVE to visit with youngsters.
• Enjoy your children.
  

It won't be long until your children have summer jobs and are all grown up.
Let the dishes go, allow the floors NOT to sparkle.
Embrace this time in your life!

What I learned this week..

In no particular order...

When sat on, a chocolate chip granola bar looks enough like something else that a complete stranger will come up to you and tell you your 3 year old has an 'issue'.

Sippy cups with straws flow like a river when opened at 36000 feet. Note to self, unscrew lid slightly before opening to release air pressure.

A 3 year old can and will talk for an entire 3 hour flight.

$3.50 for a regular ole (small) cup of coffee is not too much money to spend at an airport for coffee if you are traveling with 4 children.

If your flight gets canceled, run to another carrier as fast as you can. You might be able to get your tickets transferred to another airline.

You can never pack too many wet ones.

Shout Travel Wipes remove smeared chocolate that looks like something else on the pants of a 3 year old.

Do not put an electric kettle on a hot stove burner, the plastic will melt and flames will be seen.

It is almost impossible to explain the concept of homeschoolings to a foreign Asian woman who can hardly speak English.

The Every Day made Special

Do you take the time to make the little moments of life special?
I don't always, but I am trying too more.

WHY?
It adds excitement to an ordinary day.
...
.It makes the moments of life worth living for.
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It makes childhood achievements memorable.
...
It blesses your child.
...
It makes them feel special.
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...It makes life fun...

Like this ordinary pudding we had for dessert...
We put it in fancy cups, topped it with whipped cream and added a Teddy Bear cookie.

And OHHH it was sooo much better.

What else can you do?

• Celebrate a missing tooth with a candle on a pancake, decorate it with a toothless grin if you want.
• Do dinner backwards, eat dessert first.
• Declare the first Monday of February national PJ Day. Let your kids stay in their PJ's all day, just for fun, wear your too!
• Homeschooling moms, have a snow day. Put all the blankets and pillows you can find on the 'Road' to your school room. Make a sign, 'NO School For The *** Family. Road CLOSED due to hazardous conditions!'
• Get the good china out and have a candle lit dinner because your child achieved a goal.
• Throw a winter party, just because it snowed.
• Have a movie night and eat in front of the TV.
• Build a fort and eat lunch in it.

The possibilities are endless.
Make. Life. Fun

What do you do to make the ordinary special?

Motivation

How to motivate Children...

Provide rewards. No, I don't think there is anything wrong with this. Your rewards don't have to be big; play their favorite game, allow them to pick the dinner menu, do one of their chores, have a movie night with dinner in front of the TV...

Give specific instructions if you are after a specific result. Children work better when they know exactly what’s expected. If you say do better on your spelling next time, what is better? 80% correct or 95% correct? Tell them what 'better' is.

Set short term and long term goals for your children or with your children (usually they can understand this concept fully around the 4th or 5th grade). Write the goals down so you can look back (together) and see what they have accomplished. Goals can be: picking out their clothes and dressing themselves before coming for breakfast, picking up their toys without being told, school work related, neatness, saving money, learning a musical instrument, learning a new skill, responsibility...

Create a team atmosphere. Children like to feel apart of the family. Work together, side by side helping each other throughout the day.

Make a point to recognize accomplishments and goals in the moment and in front of your spouse. Create a certificate to be handed out at the end of the week for the child who worked the hardest, the child who had the best attitude or for the child who made the most improvement in an area they were struggling with.

Don’t expect your children to do things your way. Allow your child to be creative, you might learn something in the process too.

Often a child doesn’t realize what they’re doing wrong. Address the issue when things are going well. Most children want to do things correctly and will make an effort once they know how to do it.

School is most enjoyable when it doesn’t feel treacherous or overwhelming. Give your children the tools they need to excel. Learn their learning style, be creative in your teaching. Let your children pick a topic and dig into it with them full force using the same topic to teach history, writing, spelling... Learning doesn't only come in the form of text books and work sheets.

Give your child the opportunity for more responsibility. Let them know that hard work will pay off.

Attitude

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitudes."

by Chuck Swindoll

Moms by Heart

I recently found a new blog via a link from another bloggie mom. It is called Moms By Heart It is written by a Christian mother of 5. The mission of her blog is 'Encouraging and equipping moms to live a life of abundance.' She shares how she learned to save using coupons, how to make homemade products for your home, leaving lasting memories and offers 'DailyNuggets' to help you get through your day.
Check her out.

www.momsbyheart.net

Thank you God for the privilege of being a parent. For sleepless nights, spilled drinks and eyes that twinkle with laughter.

I would not trade these for anything.

I look in amazement at the perfect little hands and toes You have created. I know no man could create something so precious as a child.

I am in awe that You would thrust me with a child of Yours.

I often wonder how I am going to do this. How will I raise my children to respect others, to not exclude other children and to give willingly when I struggle with these same things. How can I teach them Your Word, when sometimes I don't understand it myself? What do I say when I have no answers to the trials and struggles of the world?

I look at the faces of my children, so innocent and unsuspecting of what the world wants to do to them.

I want to shelter my children and keep them from the hurt and pain of life. But I know when I look back over my life, it is my struggles that have taught me. The hard times are when You, my Heavenly Father, have molded me into who I am today. God, please give me the strength I need to allow them to struggle and the loving words to say when they come running back.

Potty Training and Life Training

I am readdressing the potty training issue due to a conversation I had with a friend. This is only my opinion. It is what I have learned from those who are wiser than me and from my own experience!...

I feel strongly that first time obedience by the child in daily activities, and consistency as a parent in daily discipline, has a lot to do with potty training. Saying that, I know I am not perfect. I can tell when I haven't been consistent in discipline by my child's attitude and response to obedience issues. Trust me, we deal with discipline every day, and every day I notice area's where I am inconsistent. I am still learning.

My child(ren) do not always enjoy the 'options' I set before them. Do they have the option to take a nap, do chores, complete school work, keep fingers off of a hot pan? Well, Yes and No. They may choose to make a bad choice, but with every wrong, or right, for that matter, choice comes a consequence. I do not ask my 2 year old if she wants to take a nap, at nap time she goes to bed. I do not ask my older children to do school, they are required to. I tell my children 'The pan is hot, do not touch'. But, can I control little fingers when they can't hold back the curiosity of touching a pan? No, but they must suffer the consequence of an owie finger for a while. Can I make my child do his math carefully and thoroughly every time? No, but I can enforce no playing with the neighbors. If I allow my children to get away with doing the opposite of what I tell them, trust me, they will continue to behave in the manner. When I allow the consequences for their actions, or inflict consequences upon them, they will soon learn I mean what I say.

What is First Time Obedience? First Time Obedience is when I ask my child to do something and expect my child to acknowledge what I say then promptly obey. If obedience isn't immediate, a consequence should be. Am I the best at this? NO! It is hard. Sometimes it is easier to continue what I am doing than to put down my work, go to the child, and require First Time Obedience. Can I tell when I am inconsistent? YES! Life easier and happier for the whole family when a child obeys the first time. A good phrase to make sure your child has heard you is to require them to say 'Yes Mom'. Making them say this does two things. It proves they heard you and gives the child responsibility to follow through on what they said they would do. We are still working with the 'happy heart issue' that must come with the 'Yes Mom', but it is coming.

What does this have to do with Potty Training? There is a point in every child's life when they know when they are going in their pants and have the ability to control it. If they go to a corner to 'do their business' or can hold it when you are changing them, they know! Sometimes Potty Training becomes a power of the wills. Your child can see when you are frustrated. Your child can see when you will let them win. In my opinion, don't start Potty Training unless you have other obedience issues under control and are ready to stick with it. It will cause tension, frustration and will confuse your child if you do.

Potty Training

I love potty training, well I should rephrase that, I love the end out come of potty training! No more wasted money on diapers( I know, I should do cloth, maybe with this one), no more messes, no more sore bottoms. All of my children have been potty trained by two or a little after the age of two.

What is the key for us?

1. I start when the child is about 22/23 months depending on the time of year and what is going on in our lives. For instance, don't try to potty train around Christmas/New Year's, it's too hard! Life is too busy.
   
2. Set a side a few days to a week to stay at home and focus on it.
   
3. Give the child a ton to drink and set them on the potty every 20 minutes or so. We take our child potty with us to every room in the beginning.
4. Reward the act! We have a little jar of mini M&M's/Jelly Beans. Every time the child goes, he/she gets a treat.
5. Get excited. Jump up and down. Give fives. Tell them what a big kid they are.
   
6. Use Big kid underwear when at home. Pull-ups really don't do anything for the child except keep the mess in for mom. Buy plastic training cover pants to cover the underwear if you won't want the mess.
7. Praise them!! Allow them to hear you tell daddy/grandparents what a good job they are doing.
8. Stop their playing to take them. Don't think they will be a good judge of when they need to go the first few weeks.
   
9. Don't give up!
   
10. Did I mention praise them? Do it often!!!

Good Luck!

PS My boys were easier to train and quicker than my girl! Go figure.