I am readdressing the potty training issue due to a conversation I had with a friend. This is only my opinion. It is what I have learned from those who are wiser than me and from my own experience!...
I feel strongly that first time obedience by the child in daily activities, and consistency as a parent in daily discipline, has a lot to do with potty training. Saying that, I know I am not perfect. I can tell when I haven't been consistent in discipline by my child's attitude and response to obedience issues. Trust me, we deal with discipline every day, and every day I notice area's where I am inconsistent. I am still learning.
My child(ren) do not always enjoy the 'options' I set before them. Do they have the option to take a nap, do chores, complete school work, keep fingers off of a hot pan? Well, Yes and No. They may choose to make a bad choice, but with every wrong, or right, for that matter, choice comes a consequence. I do not ask my 2 year old if she wants to take a nap, at nap time she goes to bed. I do not ask my older children to do school, they are required to. I tell my children 'The pan is hot, do not touch'. But, can I control little fingers when they can't hold back the curiosity of touching a pan? No, but they must suffer the consequence of an owie finger for a while. Can I make my child do his math carefully and thoroughly every time? No, but I can enforce no playing with the neighbors. If I allow my children to get away with doing the opposite of what I tell them, trust me, they will continue to behave in the manner. When I allow the consequences for their actions, or inflict consequences upon them, they will soon learn I mean what I say.
What is First Time Obedience? First Time Obedience is when I ask my child to do something and expect my child to acknowledge what I say then promptly obey. If obedience isn't immediate, a consequence should be. Am I the best at this? NO! It is hard. Sometimes it is easier to continue what I am doing than to put down my work, go to the child, and require First Time Obedience. Can I tell when I am inconsistent? YES! Life easier and happier for the whole family when a child obeys the first time. A good phrase to make sure your child has heard you is to require them to say 'Yes Mom'. Making them say this does two things. It proves they heard you and gives the child responsibility to follow through on what they said they would do. We are still working with the 'happy heart issue' that must come with the 'Yes Mom', but it is coming.
What does this have to do with Potty Training? There is a point in every child's life when they know when they are going in their pants and have the ability to control it. If they go to a corner to 'do their business' or can hold it when you are changing them, they know! Sometimes Potty Training becomes a power of the wills. Your child can see when you are frustrated. Your child can see when you will let them win. In my opinion, don't start Potty Training unless you have other obedience issues under control and are ready to stick with it. It will cause tension, frustration and will confuse your child if you do.
I feel strongly that first time obedience by the child in daily activities, and consistency as a parent in daily discipline, has a lot to do with potty training. Saying that, I know I am not perfect. I can tell when I haven't been consistent in discipline by my child's attitude and response to obedience issues. Trust me, we deal with discipline every day, and every day I notice area's where I am inconsistent. I am still learning.
My child(ren) do not always enjoy the 'options' I set before them. Do they have the option to take a nap, do chores, complete school work, keep fingers off of a hot pan? Well, Yes and No. They may choose to make a bad choice, but with every wrong, or right, for that matter, choice comes a consequence. I do not ask my 2 year old if she wants to take a nap, at nap time she goes to bed. I do not ask my older children to do school, they are required to. I tell my children 'The pan is hot, do not touch'. But, can I control little fingers when they can't hold back the curiosity of touching a pan? No, but they must suffer the consequence of an owie finger for a while. Can I make my child do his math carefully and thoroughly every time? No, but I can enforce no playing with the neighbors. If I allow my children to get away with doing the opposite of what I tell them, trust me, they will continue to behave in the manner. When I allow the consequences for their actions, or inflict consequences upon them, they will soon learn I mean what I say.
What is First Time Obedience? First Time Obedience is when I ask my child to do something and expect my child to acknowledge what I say then promptly obey. If obedience isn't immediate, a consequence should be. Am I the best at this? NO! It is hard. Sometimes it is easier to continue what I am doing than to put down my work, go to the child, and require First Time Obedience. Can I tell when I am inconsistent? YES! Life easier and happier for the whole family when a child obeys the first time. A good phrase to make sure your child has heard you is to require them to say 'Yes Mom'. Making them say this does two things. It proves they heard you and gives the child responsibility to follow through on what they said they would do. We are still working with the 'happy heart issue' that must come with the 'Yes Mom', but it is coming.
What does this have to do with Potty Training? There is a point in every child's life when they know when they are going in their pants and have the ability to control it. If they go to a corner to 'do their business' or can hold it when you are changing them, they know! Sometimes Potty Training becomes a power of the wills. Your child can see when you are frustrated. Your child can see when you will let them win. In my opinion, don't start Potty Training unless you have other obedience issues under control and are ready to stick with it. It will cause tension, frustration and will confuse your child if you do.
3 comments:
Amen and Amen!!! My words exactly!
I use Love and Logic, which is VERY similar to First Time Obedience. It sets them up to understand that there isn't always going to be a second chance in life, and most importantly to think BEFORE they do! And I completely agree, it's not always easy to follow as a parent.
Those are some good points Annika! I have been praying/thinking and working on this one. It IS hard...but that is mothering. Abigail does tell me, "yes mamma" and I make sure she gives me eye contact....but even that is a challenge! But,even with it's challenges, I love it, and wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING!
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