My Story, Gods Amazing Wisdom, Part 8

To catch up begin here.

Summer turned to fall, the little boys had been gone for several months, but they were still on all of our minds. My boys asked frequently about them. I thought of them often, and tears still came easily. I received a call one afternoon from their Grandmother. She wondered if I would like to meet her, and the boys, at the mall. Yes! I would love to.

I went, secretly hoping they would run to me, cling on and not want to let go. It didn't happen like that. They sat in my lap and snuggled, looked at pictures and colored, but it wasn't the same. I don't know what their little minds were thinking, I wondered if they could place me. It had been about 5 months since they left. They didn't look like 'my' boys any longer. They needed fresh hair cuts, a bath and 'mommy love'. I could tell they were doing ok. I could tell they were boys who had learned to take life as it came. My heart ached for them. I felt a strange peace as said good-bye. I knew I was no longer the one they felt comforted by. I left the mall holding back tears, wondering if that would be the last time I would see them. What roll did I play in their lives? I wondered why. Why did this happen, why did the Lord choose me to endure this. Why...

Fall turned to Winter and we decided to put our name in with another Adoption Agency. We felt comfortable the way they operated. They were very cautions when placing children. We needed that. The wait began.

Christmas came and went. After Christmas, I threw all the Christmas decorations in the 'Baby Room' and closed the door. I didn't want to bother putting stuff away and I didn't want to bother going in that room. The door remained closed. For some reason, one January afternoon, I got the urge to dig into that room. I cleaned it all up, put the decorations away and sorted little boy clothes from older boy clothes. The room was clean again. It stood waiting, empty.

Several days later we went to AWANA like we always do. I left my phone in the car, not wanting to bother with it during AWANA. When the night was over, the boys and I ran out to the car in the freezing cold and cranked the heat. We were looking forward to our traditional after AWANA ice-cream treat. (I know that sounds crazy. It is freezing cold and we're eating ice-cream. It's my favorite way to consume dairy, (it counts, right??), and a great tradition that my children will forever remember!) My phone was beeping, hummm, I had a couple of missed calls and a message. It was from our social worker. Why was she calling me at night? I had no idea what was about to unfold...I called her right away. She had a placement for us. The baby had already been born. Were we interested?
Yes!
A whirlwind of events and decisions took place. We could pick up our child in three days. And then a snow storm hit. The DOT was recommending no travel... at all. What? We have 4 wheel drive, we could make it! After talking it over, we decided several hours of driving with a newborn on icy roads wasn't worth the risk. We would wait and go the next day.
We left the boys at my mom's house. My oldest son knew what we were doing (he is a fantastic secret keeper!), but we didn't tell anyone else, even my mom. I dropped off the boys and went back to get my husband so she wouldn't think anything was up.

It was an amazing morning. The most beautiful little girl was placed in my arms, and she was my forever daughter. She was 8 days old and a petite, little miracle. Her blue eyes, strawberry blond hair and porcelain skin took my breath away. She was a gift. She was worth the pain and the wait. She was hand picked my God, and placed in my arms. She was my daughter.

"Before I made you in your mother's womb, I chose you." Jeremiah 1:5

I do not know if our family is complete. God may choose to give us another biological child or press upon our hearts to pursue another adoption. Whatever the ending may be, I know full well, God will get us where He wants us to be. But I must be obedient in listening to His voice.